I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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