Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm too high and old for this...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
