How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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