It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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