She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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