I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think i have two assholes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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