well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
