My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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