Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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