I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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