i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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