you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
