it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
