using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
