i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
