Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
