I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
there is puke in my bra ... again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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