We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I party with great urgency now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
