Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We left the knife in your bed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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