You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
