sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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