I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
