i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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