My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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