I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
