I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
