and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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