Duck Duck Cougar?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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