'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
