I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
