the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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