Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
