I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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