Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
