They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
