My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to fling myself into the sun
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
