her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
