when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
