I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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