He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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