You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
