There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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