i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
