He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
