I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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