I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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