just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
