p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
