you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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