I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
